I thought it’d be romantic to date a drug addict until I became one. And although it’s been two years since my last fix, I can’t say say the same for you. You were mad that I was mad that you relapsed. You were mad that I asked you who with. Itching, always itching, was all you said about it. You were mad, that’s the most I can recall. You acted like I didn’t understand when that’s all I did, those trenches were a place I memorized, but you never would listen. I was mad because I was supposed to pick you up that night, but you wouldn’t let me. It was some fake emergency you couldn’t explain. And I wonder as you got high, was I on your mind, or were you relieved that I was in the distance? No matter how hard I tried, you still kept lying and sleeping around, but I understand.

You know I forgive you, but the best I could do was let you go. I thought of the romance we shared, and wrote an elegy for it as you walked away without a care.

To Mom on Thanksgiving

Hi Mom,


It’s my first Thanksgiving without you. I always hold onto every holiday we had together though. Since none of us could cook, you always picked up a Thanksgiving feast takeout from Mimi’s Cafe. Excellent turkey, delicious cranberry sauce, and my favorite – sweet potato casserole. Even during the hardest times, you took care of your son, Tanner, and I.


He is in Oregon today with your brother, Doug, who tried taking a picture of Tanner throwing leaves in the air but failed. You would’ve laughed. You saw the light and laughter in everything.


If you ever wondered if I would think about you every day after you were gone, I have. Every day. I wait for signs and at times, I receive them. I love you and I feel loved. And I still keep missing you.

R.I.P. to the pup I loved most. You were with us for almost 19 years and I still remember the day we took you home. My mom was considering taking home your more docile sister, but I convinced her that a pup more playful would be best for us. You were always the brightest part of anyone’s days. I love you and miss you already so much. To the fluffiest girl I’ve ever seen, you were the kindest. Rest in peace ❤️

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Hi again mom, it’s been 3 and a half months since you passed away, almost exactly. Could I say its been easier? Maybe, but I don’t think so. I think about you every single day, but the tears only come about 4 times a week now. Every decision I make, I think of what you would do, or the specific lesson-providing quote you would tell me. You always loved inspirational quotes.


On top of that, my brother is struggling. He’s trying though, but he’s younger. I can’t imagine losing you at 27. All I can do is be there and help him, but it’s harder than you’d think. Every move we make can’t bring you back, but we still keep moving.